


And Also This Guy Poe Just Happens to Be Here

by orchis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Crossover, Family Issues, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Comedy, anger issues, knightpilotweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7278250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchis/pseuds/orchis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo was working hard at a Coruscant job, making dough, but it made him blue. One day, he was raging a lot and so he decided to move – to Yavin IV, Gordian Reach, brand new pals and new career. It happens to be where Poe lives, but that’s not why he’s here! – Written for knightpilot week, day 3, theme AU. Yes, it’s a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend AU, though you don’t really have to have seen the show or be familiar with it to read this! More info in the A/N.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Also This Guy Poe Just Happens to Be Here

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, Ben Solo starts his political career in Coruscant. He’s very successful in the senate, but also very unhappy and with lots of anger issues. One day he runs into an ex-boyfriend from his teenage years, Poe Dameron, who tells him he’s moving back to his home in Yavin IV. Out on a limb, Ben decides to drop everything and move there. Not because of Poe! But because that place sounds great, right? Right? 
> 
> So, this is loosely based on a musical comedy on the CW, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which is pretty awesome. Unfortunately, I can’t incorporate musical numbers into this fic, but you might find a few of the dialogues familiar if you like the songs! Also, I’ve no excuse for this, it’s complete self-indulgent rubbish. Since the other fics I’ve been writing for knightpilot week were a bit gloomy, I thought I could do something more on the brighter side. I hope you like it!

‘I’m gonna help you,’ Hux says, and he looks dead-serious.

Ben starts, taken aback. Since he got to Yavin IV, Hux has been nothing but hostile. Ben doesn’t know what the hell is his problem, but Hux seems to find Ben’s presence in the firm a direct threat to his job – even though he’s just a paralegal! – and has pestered him with dumb questions like, ‘So what is the _real_ reason why you moved to Yavin IV?’ As if Ben had some kind of secret purpose to be here.

‘Help me?’ Ben manages to say. ‘With what?’

Hux gives him a look like it’s very irritating for him that Ben is unable to somehow keep up with his cryptic messages, and gestures vaguely in the direction where a group of very attractive men – including, but not limited to Poe Dameron – are playing frisbee shirtless.

‘What?’

Hux rolls his eyes. ‘Right, I’m gonna try to spell it out for you. When you moved in here – apparently dropping a stellar position in the Senate – I thought, “who the hell is this lunatic who changes Coruscant for this sithspit of a moon?” Especially for a lame job at Snoke’s shit firm.’

‘The situation is a lot more nuanced than that,’ Ben interrupts; he’s starting to get annoyed, and Poe is just out there, and he kind of wants to go and talk to him again and maybe join in his frisbee game.

‘Yes, yes. I thought you were just one of those privileged brats who got a little stress from his job and suddenly decided to drop everything to travel the galaxy or find themselves,’ Hux continues, despite’s Ben’s lack of interest. ‘So I had zero respect for you, despite your credentials.’

‘Wow, thanks for the honesty. I was wondering what the fuck was up your ass that you just hated my guts for no reason at all,’ says Ben, and he tries very, very hard not to raise his voice because he doesn’t want to make a little rage scene in public, let a lot around Poe. Not that he _cares_ about Poe liking him or anything, but they’re old friends and Ben kind of wants to reconnect with him. For friendship reasons.

‘Right, so, don’t get me wrong,’ Hux goes on, ‘I don’t believe in love, and I personally don’t experience any sexual attraction towards any gender, but I can certainly appreciate Poe’s physique, from an aesthetic perspective-’

‘Okay, what are you talking about?’ Ben says, more puzzled than irritated now.

‘I’m saying that I disliked you because I thought you were just a brat who was here to find himself or some shit like that. But now that I know you have a purpose, I can respect you, and in fact, I think I’m going to help you achieve that goal you’ve set for yourself,’ Hux replies.

Ben blinks. He feels like maybe he should be somewhere else – somewhere preferably closer to Poe – and get away from this guy who is only saying weird crap. However, a bit part of him is still curious, so he asks, ‘What goal would that be?’

Hux rolls his eyes again. ‘You really want me to spell things out for you, don’t you? Well – it’s clear that you’re in love with Poe Dameron, and when you ran into him outside your job and he told you he was moving back to Yavin IV, you dropped everything to follow him in hope that he’ll return your feelings.’

Ben’s heart jumps to his throat. ‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t move here for Poe, I just needed a change.’

‘Right. Whatever you say, mate,’ says Hux, and winks at him, and this is starting to get really creepy. ‘Like I said, I think love is a neurochemical trap, and I’m incapable of experiencing romantic feelings towards anyone, but I can respect your goal. Because at least it is some sort of purpose. And perhaps I’m a bit of an idealist inside because I do believe people who are in love and will do anything to be with the person they love are somehow admirable. They’ve got determination; they will go to the most absurd and self-destructive lengths in order to satisfy their caprice and that sort of commitment to a cause is something I can respect.’

Ben takes a deep breath. ‘I’m not in love with him,’ he says. ‘I didn’t move here because of Poe; it was a coincidence!’

Hux smirks. ‘Sure, I get it,’ he says, but he clearly doesn’t.

Ben tries again. ‘Look – yes, I heard of Yavin IV from Poe, but I didn’t move here because of Poe! Do you get those things are different?’

Hux’s smirk turns into a smile. ‘Of course,’ he says. ‘I mean… I should’ve known better from the start. What kind of idiot just throws away their career for a shite job in a shite little firm in the Outer Rim? Of course you were doing it for love! Sure, it’s still stupid as fuck, but at least you’re doing it for your principles. Like I said, I respect that and I’ll help you.’

Ben opens and closes his mouth, unsure of what to say.

‘So, the first step will be to get you two to reconnect,’ says Hux, and he takes out a datapad from the pocket of his jacket, which he insists on using in spite of being disgustingly hot outside.

‘Oh,’ says Ben. ‘I think you’re starting to make sense.’

‘Right. So, he’s just over there, playing frisbee. He did invite you to join. You could just go.’

‘I have to go back to work,’ Ben says.

Hux rolls his eyes. ‘I’ll cover you with Snoke. Plus, the boss is so delighted to have you that I’m sure you could skip the office for a week and he’d still give you a huge bonus with your next paycheck.’

‘Yeah, but,’ Ben says. ‘Just to be clear. I’m not saying there’s the remote possibility of me being in love with Poe. But if that were the case, it’s not like I can just crash his frisbee game.’

‘Why not? What are you afraid of?’ Hux says, frowning.

‘I’m not. I’m not afraid of anything! It’s just not socially acceptable to-’

‘Bullshit. I know you’re afraid of rejection, but Poe seems like one of those people who are too friendly for their own good, so he won’t turn you away,’ Hux says.

‘I’m not afraid of Poe rejecting me!’ Ben says, and then lowers his voice because even though Poe and his friends are far away, he doesn’t exactly know what species are they and they could have supersonic hearing and this situation is starting to get really uncomfortable.

Hux puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder and looks at him dead in the eye. ‘This may seem like an insurmountable obstacle in your way, but trust me, nothing is as scary as it appears.’

‘I’m not scared!’ Ben insists.

‘All you gotta do is face your fears.’

‘I don’t think you’re-’

‘Go see him,’ Hux says. ‘I’ll see you back at work tomorrow.’

* * *

The moment Ben enters the office, he’s accosted by Phasma. He has to take a step back because even though he’s a big man, Phasma is even taller than him and she’s intimidating.

‘So,’ she says, her expression serious. ‘How was your date with Poe last night?’

‘What?’ Ben says, trying really hard not to blush.

‘Well? The deets?’ Phasma says.

At that moment, Hux emerges from the kitchen area, holding two mugs of tea.

‘What the hell, Hux! Did you tell Phasma about Poe?’ Ben spits, absolutely livid.

‘Yeah, we tell each other everything in the First Order,’ Hux replies and hands Phasma one of the mugs.

‘What the fuck!’ Ben yells and smashes his suitcase against the nearest terminal, which happened to be Mitaka’s, and effectively knocks it off the desk.

Mitaka looks at him and starts signing frantically.

‘You’ll have to pay for that, you know,’ Hux says and takes a sip from his mug.

Mitaka, whom Ben is still very pointedly ignoring out of embarrassment, storms out of the office in anger. Ben takes several deep breaths and tries to collect himself.

‘So, how did the date go?’ Phasma insists once he’s regained his composure.

Ben sighs. ‘It wasn’t a date. It was a group hang.’

Hux and Phasma groan.

‘It’s fine,’ Ben says. Because, really, it was fine. ‘I got to meet Poe’s friends. Karé, she’s really nice, and also Jessica, who is a pilot too, and Iolo, who is, I don’t know, he does something – uh, maybe crafts? I don’t know. There’s also the guy with a beard and his wife. And that girl, Rey, who turns out is my neighbour. She’s working at… she’s from… she’s a really tiny girl who is also very scary!’ Ben concludes, hoping they will ignore the fact that he doesn’t even remember anything about Poe’s friends.

Phasma rolls her eyes. ‘Mate, you think all women are scary,’ she says. ‘I mean, I don’t blame you, with that mother you have…’

‘Hey! Leave my mum out of this,’ Ben says. ‘Also, what is wrong with you people? Could you at least let me get to my office and put down my suitcase before you harass me with all your invasive questions?’

Hux and Phasma exchange a millisecond-long gaze, and reply, at unison, ‘No.’

* * *

‘I was just thinking,’ Poe says, and even through the comm, his voice sounds so ridiculously sexy that Ben has to force himself to concentrate on what he’s saying. ‘We didn’t have much time to catch up the other day since all my friends were there. Would you like to grab lunch or dinner one of these days?’

‘That sounds great!’ says Ben, way faster than he thought he should. He clears his throat, lowers his voice an octave to sound composed. ‘Sure, that would be okay. Let me just check my schedule…’

‘Sure. Um, you can comm me later if you’re busy…’

‘No, actually, I’m not busy at all. I mean. I am. I am super busy. But I happen to be free for dinner tonight.’

‘Cool!’ says Poe, ‘I’ll pick you up at seven?’

Ben mentally counts to five, slowly, before replying with a not-overeager-at-all yes.

* * *

It takes Ben approximately three hours to get ready for the date, even though he’s not entirely sure Poe thinks of this as a date. It doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

It was worth it, though, because Poe looks at him and smiles. ‘Wow, you look amazing,’ he says.

‘What?’ Ben says, shrugging. ‘I just woke up from a nap.’

Poe chuckles. ‘Really? Now I feel a little underdressed,’ he says and looks at his own clothes sheepishly.

Sure, he’s only wearing a cotton shirt and trousers, and he looks a little worn out after a day of work, probably. But he’s still the most handsome man Ben has ever met, really.

‘You’ll do,’ Ben says, and smirks.

Poe takes him in his ship to a restaurant at the other side of the moon. It’s a little place in the middle of the jungle. They sit outside. The lights are low, and they can see the stars, and it’s all so very beautiful that Ben has to pinch his own thigh under the table to make sure he’s not dreaming.

Although, to be honest, his dreams are mostly nightmares – usually killing Han in some violent manner – and not filled with Poe and his beautiful face and his lovely laughter and his gentle, sweet words.

Poe helps him figure out the menu, and talks about his job. About how he was so successful as a pilot in Courasant, but he just wasn’t happy, and he decided to return home to spend more time with his friends and his dad, and to set up a pilot school for disadvantaged kids of the Outer Rim.

‘Because, you know, I was very lucky – my parents had good connections. But nowadays you have to be very privileged to become a pilot, and I think that’s very sad. As you can imagine, that’s not how it is like for many kids in the Outer Rim territories.’

‘I can imagine,’ Ben says, nodding. ‘Mitaka, one my co-workers, is trying to convince the boss to let us take more bona fide cases, but he’s a bit reluctant.’

Poe nods. ‘Yeah, there’s just so much income disparity and inequality. It’s enraging. I figured I couldn’t do anything if I just stayed in the capital and only worked for myself. I had to return home and try to build a better place for everyone here.’

Ben’s breath catches. ‘I agree,’ he says. ‘I… I mean, I’m not for him. But that was one of the reasons why I accepted the job.’

Poe looks at him and smiles. ‘I think that’s admirable. I mean, I was just a pilot – but you had such an important job! To drop that in order to come work here because you want to make things better – that’s… admirable, really.’

Ben returns the smile, feeling his heart fluttering in his chest, and he feels a little ridiculous, because really, this date is going better than he could ever have imagined. ‘Thanks,’ he says. ‘I’m just trying my best.’

Poe grins. ‘Well, I’m really glad you’re here! It’s so nice that we’re getting back in touch after all those years.’

‘Sure,’ Ben says, nodding, and very desperately pretending to be chill about it.

‘I wanted to ask you something,’ Poe says.

‘Yeah?’

‘Do you think this restaurant would be a good place for a date?’ he asks.

Ben gulps. ‘Yeah, sure. It’s very nice.’

‘Cool! I mean, no, I don’t want things to get awkward, sorry! I should rephrase this. There’s this guy I wanna ask out, and I think this would be a good place to take him. But I wasn’t sure, so I thought it would be better to check it out with a friend before.’

‘Oh,’ says Ben, frowning. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah, you’re probably thinking I’m a weirdo,’ Poe says, chuckling in that self-deprecating way that makes Ben want to scream at him that he’s just beautiful and perfect. ‘But I’m really nervous about this guy, he’s just so great and I haven’t dated properly in ages! I want everything to be perfect.’

‘Right, I get that,’ says Ben, and pinches his own thigh. He looks around, half-expecting his father to appear out of nowhere with a lightsaber. ‘So, um, who is this guy you wanna ask out?’

‘You actually know him!’ Poe says, excitedly. ‘It’s Finn!’

Ben excuses himself to go to the refresher. And well, if he breaks a couple of mirrors, he’s used to making it seem like an accident – and he’s got the means to pay for the damage.

* * *

‘Who the fuck is Finn?’ says Phasma, frowning.

Ben sighs into his mug of caf, feeling crushed. ‘He was just some guy at the group hang.’

‘Well, this complicates things,’ says Hux. ‘But I like a challenge.’

Phasma nods. ‘I’d say so,’ she says and takes out her datapad.

‘We’re gonna destroy Finn,’ says Hux.

Ben starts. ‘What?’

‘We’re gonna crush him,’ says Phasma.

Ben sighs. ‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Finn is apparently very special. He’s just so handsome and brave and much younger and hotter and better than me…’

Hux groans. ‘Come on, you aren’t giving up now!’

‘Exactly!’ says Phasma, and starts typing something into her datapad. ‘Look, let me see what dirt I can dig on that Finn kid.’

‘Good,’ says Hux, nodding. ‘In the meantime, Poe’s dad’s birthday is coming up.’

‘What?’ says Ben, frowning. ‘How the fuck do you know that?’

Phasma and Hux exchange a look of exasperation.

* * *

‘Oh wow, it was so nice of you to bring cake!’ says Poe, as he takes the box from Ben’s hands to guide him into the kitchen.

‘It’s carrot,’ says Ben, ‘I hope he likes it!’

‘Seriously?’ says Poe, grinning. ‘It’s his favourite! He’s gonna be thrilled. What a coincidence!’

‘Right!’ says Ben. ‘It was totally a coincidence!’

Yeah, not like Hux spent hours stalking Poe and his friends and family on social media. Not at all. Not like Hux and Phasma spent several days giving him comprehensive advice on how to behave in front of Kes Dameron in preparation for this dinner.

‘Whatever you do, don’t be yourself,’ Phasma had said.

‘What? That’s the worst piece of advice ever.’

‘No, it’s not. People like us,’ Phasma said, gesturing to herself and Hux and Ben, ‘we aren’t that easy to love.’

Ben gulped.

‘Don’t break anything. Don’t get angry. Just. Take deep breaths,’ Hux said.

‘And stay away from controversial conversation topics.’

Turns out Ben doesn’t have to follow their advice, not exactly. Kes Dameron is delighted to see him.

‘If it isn’t little Ben!’ he says, smiling at him. ‘It’s been so long!’

‘Hello, Mr Dameron,’ he says, smiling politely and trying to make himself smaller and less intimidating. ‘Happy birthday!’

‘Ah, thank you, thank you, But I don’t know why Poe went through so much trouble for me,’ he says, gesturing around – some of his old friends and family members are around. Ben is very happy to notice that Finn is absent. ‘When you are my age,’ Kes continues, ‘birthdays don’t mean anything!’

‘Don’t say that!’ says Ben. ‘It’s very nice that you and Poe get along so well.’

Kes nods. ‘He’s a good son.’

‘Well, not exactly a kid. I mean, he’s over thirty,’ Ben says, snorting, and immediately regrets it. Damn his stupid issues with parental figures.

‘What was that?’ says Kes, frowning. ‘Sorry, I can’t hear very well when there’s a lot of noise around.

‘Ah,’ Ben says and clears his throat. ‘Nothing, just that. You raised him well!’

Kes chuckles; Ben recognises some bits of Poe’s self-deprecating smile, and the same laugh-lines that are starting to form on his face. ‘That’s really nice of you, Ben. Your parents didn’t do a bad job with you either!’

Ben’s face falls. ‘Right. Let’s just not talk about that.’

‘Oh? I’m sorry,’ Kes says. ‘Is everything okay?’

Ben is looking frantically for an excuse, instead of saying what he’s really feeling – my dad is an asshole and my mum only cares about her job – but he’s saved by the appearance of Poe.

‘Hey, dad, I wanted you to meet someone!’

Ben’s heart drops to his knees when he spots Finn lurking behind Poe.

* * *

‘That little shit,’ says Hux, narrowing his eyes.

‘Yeah,’ says Ben and he feels the anger he repressed through the evening coming back with a vengeance. ‘It took all of my willpower not to start screaming.’

‘I’m proud of you,’ says Phasma and puts her hand on his shoulder. ‘You managed not to break anything or ruin your reputation in that house.’

Hux nods. ‘Let’s assess the situation – How did it go with Poe’s dad?’

Ben sighs. ‘He thinks I’m amazing and said I was welcomed there for dinner whenever I wanted,’ he says. ‘Though honestly it feels a bit pointless…’

‘No, it’s not. That’s a great step. He didn’t say that to Finn, did he?’

Ben shrugs. ‘Not that I noticed. He was a bit on the side, talking to Poe’s little cousins. Poe says he’s very good with kids,’ he rolls his eyes.

‘Disgusting,’ says Phasma.

‘Yeah… I swear his eyes were like hearts when he said it. But he hasn’t asked Finn out yet,’ Ben goes on. ‘That much I know.’

‘Excellent,’ says Hux. ‘We’re making progress. But we need to act fast.’

‘Don’t you guys think it’s weird that he hasn’t asked him out?’ says Phasma.

Hux nods. ‘Yeah…’

‘He just wants everything to be perfect,’ Ben says, making a face.

Phasma snorts. ‘Really? With an ass like that? It couldn’t get any more perfect!’

Hux nods. ‘I can aesthetically appreciate the curve of his buttocks…’

Ben clenches his teeth.

‘And those curls,’ Phasma adds.

‘He’s a little short, though,’ says Hux.

‘Nah, he’s a good size,’ Phasma says, gesturing with her hand at the height of her breasts.

‘Hey! Stop objectifying him!’ says Ben. ‘He’s so much more than a perfectly chiselled body and gorgeous bronze skin and perfect hair!’

He’s about to go off on a rant about how perfect Poe is – not for the first time in the past few weeks – when his comm starts beeping. When he sees the id, he has to fight the urge to throw it against the nearest wall.

* * *

Forty-seven minutes later, Ben re-enters the room. He finds that Phasma and Hux are putting together a complex diagram with the title ‘Operation Poe – Next Steps’ written in a bigger font at the top.

‘Who comm-ed you?’ asks Phasma.

‘My parents,’ Ben replies. ‘They’re coming to visit.’

Hux frowns. ‘Really? Why?’

Ben shrugs. ‘It’ll be Alderaanian New Year soon, and they wanna celebrate together.’

‘Why don’t you just go to Alderaan?’

Ben rolls his eyes like a petulant teenager. This is what conversations with his parents reduce him to. ‘I told them I have work and I can’t go.’

‘Oh…’

‘So they insisted on coming here for the holiday.’

‘That doesn’t make sense,’ says Hux, frowning. ‘I mean, is it even the same season in Alderaan?’

Ben shrugs. ‘They don’t care.’

‘Well… I guess it’s nice that they care so much to come visit you all the way here for just a holiday.’

Ben blows a raspberry. ‘Whatever.’

‘Actually, I think this is a great opportunity,’ says Hux.

‘Uh?’

‘You’ve been reintroduced to Poe’s dad. Now he can get to know your parents,’ says Hux.

‘Isn’t that… a bit too much?’ says Ben, dreading the prospect of Poe and Han being in the same room.

Phasma shakes her head smiling. ‘Trust us… this is going to be great.’

* * *

In the end, all of Ben’s friends are there for dinner – basically, Phasma, Hux, Mitaka (who warmed up to Ben when he bought him a new, much better terminal) and Poe.

‘Oh my goodness!’ says Ben’s mum, looking at Poe like she’s genuinely charmed to see him. ‘It’s been forever! How are you? How is Kes?’

Poe smiles sheepishly, shakes Han’s hand, kisses Leia on the cheek. ‘He’s doing well, thank you.’

‘You should’ve brought him with you!’ Leia says. ‘It would’ve been nice to see him.’

‘Ah, thanks,’ Poe says, ‘Ben did offer but he’s off-moon right now. Went on a holiday with some of his old pals.’

They sit down to eat, and the conversation is still revolving around Poe and his family, which Ben doesn’t mind at all. He can see Hux and Phasma, out of the corner of his eye, taking it all in for future reference. Mitaka, as usual, is observing everything with a blank expression.

‘I’m surprised to find you here,’ says Han. ‘I thought you were a pilot in the New Republic?’

‘I… retired early.’

‘No shit, kid,’ says Han, chuckling. ‘What did you do?’

‘Han,’ Leia says, her tone warning. Ben feels an itching under his skin, the kind of irritation that Han can cause him without even trying.

‘That’s alright,’ says Poe, smiling, graceful as ever. ‘I decided to come back home and set up a pilot school for underprivileged kids.’

Leia raises her eyebrows, impressed, and Ben feels quite pleased. Not that he needs his mother to approve the men he’s into! But still, it’s nice.

‘That’s very noble of you,’ says Han.

Leia nods. ‘It sounds great.’

Poe smiles his sheepish smile again, and Ben’s heart flutters. But the moment is broken when Han adds, ‘I think Ben could learn a thing or two from you!’

Ben clears his throat and tenses his hands around the cutlery. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

‘Why?’ says Poe, bless him, genuinely puzzled. ‘I think he’s doing a great job at the First Order.’

Han chuckles, ‘Please, you don’t have to try to make him look good. We know he’s a slob.’

Leia makes a face of exasperation, but she doesn’t say anything.

‘I work really hard,’ Ben says, between his teeth.

‘Oh yeah, I can testify in his favour,’ Phasma says. ‘He’s always the first in the office and the last to leave.’

‘True,’ says Hux, and Mitaka nods. ‘It’s almost as if he’s got no life outside work.’

Ben throws them a dark look.

‘Well, I don’t doubt that,’ says Han. ‘Ben, you never really explained to us why you were moving here?’

Ben takes a sip of wine. It’s tasty and alcohol is supposed to be relaxing.

‘I told you, I got a job offer by Snoke and decided to take it,’ says Ben.

‘Yeah but. Seriously? Why here? I mean, no offence, Poe, but this place is a dump.’

‘None taken,’ says Poe, though he seems to be a bit uncomfortable now.

‘It’s a nice moon,’ says Leia. ‘Lots of trees.’

‘Yeah but… it’s no place to get a career. I mean, not with your education and ambitions, Ben!’

Ben stands up, forcefully, and slaps his hands on the table. ‘My ambitions?’ he says, absolutely ready to burst. ‘My ambitions? What the fuck are you talking about, Han?’

Everyone goes very, very quiet. Han, looking affronted, stands up. ‘Don’t talk to me like that.’

‘This is my house, I can talk to you whatever the fuck I want,’ says Ben. ‘Now answer me, exactly what ambitions are you talking about? My ambitions to become a self-absorbed workaholic who cares more about the so-called fate of the galaxy than his own kids?’ he spits, and points his chin at Leia, who looks affronted. ‘Or my ambitions to be… what? What is it that you even do? Other than fly around the galaxy with uncle Chewie, putting off coming home to argue with mum?’

‘Benjam-’ Han begins, moving closer with an accusatory finger towards him.

‘No, shut up. Shut up. I’m tired of listening to your shit,’ Ben continues and gesticulates so wildly that he knocks over a vase. It falls to the floor and breaks, spreading its shards everywhere. Ben ignores it, he’s too angry to care. ‘I don’t know how you can have the nerve to come to my house and start lecturing me about ambitions and hard work. Fuck you. You’ve never done a day of honest work in your life and you’re also a terrible father, so you get absolutely no right to question any of my decisions.’

Han looks absolutely livid, but that’s not half as angry as Ben is. Then there’s a sharp intake of breath and Ben turns sharply. His mum is looking at them both with glassy eyes, looking really, really sad. Ben’s anger starts to subside, and he takes in the scene around him. His co-workers are looking at him with widened eyes and Poe… Poe looks a mixture of shocked and scared; Ben feels his cheeks burn with shame and has to look away.

He can’t take it anymore. He gets out of the house as fast as he can.

* * *

Ben doesn’t come back home until hours later. He’s not sure what time it is, but he feels it’s almost morning. When he opens the door, he finds Han asleep in one of the living room chairs. Ben groans out loud at seeing him, feeling irritated already.

Han stirs awake. ‘Ben,’ he says.

‘I’m tired,’ he says. ‘I’m going to bed.’

‘Wait,’ Han says.

‘What?’

‘I’m sorry.’

Han looks so small, sitting in that chair, unkempt and sleepy. ‘I’m sorry.’

Ben tenses. He feels trapped, but he finds that he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to stay either, which effectively paralyses him. Now he has to listen to whatever Han wants to get off his chest.

‘Look, son,’ Han says. ‘I’m sorry. I was completely out of line tonight.’

‘Just tonight?’

‘Obviously not. I…’ he pauses. ‘I didn’t know you felt like that.’

‘Well, maybe if you’d been around long enough to pay attention…’

‘It wasn’t you. And it wasn’t… I was stupid. It was hard for me, being a dad and all that. You’re right. I’m a scoundrel – your mum did call me that when we first met. And having a kid is scary. I coped in the worst possible way. I didn’t wanna mess you up, I didn’t wanna make the same mistakes my old man did.’

Ben looks away, unable to keep staring at Han in the face as he speaks.

‘I’m sorry. But I love you so, so much, son. I’m an idiot. I thought the best for you was to pursue that career, to be more like your mum than me. ‘Cause, let’s face it, she’s so much better than me at everything.’

Ben wants to say something, but closes his mouth, unsure. What does he want to say? No, don’t say that, she’s not! It’s completely false. She is better than Han, she is better than many, many people Ben has met. But that doesn’t mean she was the perfect mum. He bites his tongue.

‘I thought it would be best for you to just follow her steps. I didn’t think of asking you if that’s what you wanted. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.’

Ben swallows the lump in his throat, keeps his eyes fixed on the floor next to Han’s chair.

‘And… if being here makes you happy, then I’m happy too. I just want you to be happy. Fuck success or ambitions or whatever shit I was talking about earlier. I should know better than anybody else that there are more important things than a fancy job at Coruscant.’

Ben looks at him, his eyes burning with tears. ‘I love you, dad,’ he says.

His dad stands up, crosses the distance between them in a second, and engulfs him in a hug.

‘I love you too, son. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’

* * *

The aftermath of his rage attacks is always the worst. It’s not so bad in the office. Mitaka, Hux and Phasma are used to them, to some degree. They don’t treat him any different, although Mitaka signs him at some point during lunch, asking him if everything’s okay.

And things are okay. He had a long and teary talk with his mum too. Although he’s still full of anger and resentment towards his parents, he feels that they can finally begin to mend their relationship.

Still, he avoids Poe. Because he’s too ashamed to look at him. Poe sends him messages, tries to comm him, and Ben just avoids, avoids, avoids, for days.

‘You should just talk to him,’ says Phasma, eventually, a week or so into the Alderaanian new year.

Ben shakes his head. ‘I can’t. I… this is the worst case scenario.’

‘What? He’s not dating Finn already, is he?’ asks Hux, looking puzzled.

Mitaka sighs loudly, and they turn to look at him. He gives Ben a pointed look, and he has to speak. ‘Yeah… The worst that could happen was that Poe saw me as I really am – a stupid asshole who is full of anger and bullshit. He must think the worst of me and I can’t face his disappointment.’

Phasma and Hux actually look a bit conflicted.

‘Look,’ Phasma says. ‘I know I joked sometimes that you shouldn’t be yourself in front of him or his dad but… You do get that’s a joke, right?’

Ben rolls his eyes. ‘I’m not a kid, I do. But still.’

‘Still, you feel like you have to,’ says Hux, frowning. ‘Why? You’re a great guy, Ben.’

‘Yeah,’ says Phasma. ‘I mean, sure, you’re a bit angry, but some people like angry.’

Ben sighs. ‘I don’t think Poe does.’

‘Well, you won’t know unless you face him.’

Mitaka catches his attention and signs him. Ben shakes his head. ‘I’m not telling him I like him. That’s never gonna work.’

Mitaka rolls his eyes. He seems too exasperated to sign, so he grabs his datapad and types something.

_Your stupid plots aren’t gonna work. Stop trying to trick him into liking you. Just be honest._

‘He likes Finn,’ says Ben. ‘I can only trick him into thinking that I’m better!’

Hux tilts his head to the side. ‘I mean, yeah, that’s one way of doing things. But not the only one.’

Ben feels like running. Phasma puts her hand on his forearm.

‘Hey,’ she says. ‘Just get back to him. You don’t have to confess your feelings on a hillside surrounded by ducks and then you get into a rowboat.’

Ben frowns. ‘What?’

‘It was one of our ideas,’ Phasma says, gesturing between her and Hux, who nods.

‘Just see what he wants now that he’s contacting you so insistently and just take it from there,’ he adds.

Ben looks at his comm device, takes a deep breath, and reaches for it.

* * *

‘Thanks a lot for seeing me,’ says Poe, putting two cups of bubble tea on the table in front of Ben.

Ben shrugs. ‘Sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I was… embarrassed, really.’

Poe frowns. ‘Why? Because of the fight?’

‘Yeah, sort of.’

‘That’s fine, Ben. I mean, it was a bit awkward, but that shit happens when families get together.’

‘Your family didn’t look like that at all at your dad’s birthday,’ Ben says.

Poe chuckles. ‘Oh, believe me, we do our fair share of fighting. Just not in front of, quote unquote, outsiders.’

‘Yeah, that wasn’t very graceful of me,’ says Ben. ‘I just wish you hadn’t seen the ugliest side of my personality.’

‘Hey! It’s cool,’ says Poe. ‘I don’t mind. And even if I did, who cares what I think?’

‘I do,’ says Ben. ‘I care about what you think. And about you. A lot.’

Poe looks at him, taken aback. Then he softens. ‘I care about you too.’

Ben feels at the edge of a cliff. But he’s tired of holding onto the rocks. ‘You don’t understand, Poe. I have feelings for you.’

Poe starts, staring at Ben with wide eyes. Ben braces himself for the rejection. ‘What?’ Poe says, instead.

Ben sighs. ‘Look, this is gonna sound crazy, but you already know I’m deranged, so what the fuck. I… I have feelings for you. You’re incredible, Poe. And I’m so broken and self-hating and you deserve so much better than me. So I’ll make this easy for you and just. Get out of your life.’

‘Wait, what?’ Poe says and grabs his forearm to keep him from leaving. ‘Are you shitting me?’

Ben has never felt more vulnerable in his life and he hates it with passion. But he can’t look away from Poe’s eyes. ‘I’m not. It’s the truth.’

‘Wow,’ says Poe. ‘That… kind of makes sense in hindsight, I guess.’

‘Yeah, well,’ says Ben, squirming, uncomfortable. ‘Could you please just reject me before I choke on all this swallowed pride?’

Poe shakes his head. ‘Sorry, no. It’s just… I’m shocked. It never occurred to me that you could like me that way. You’re just so…’ he trails off.

Ben presses his lips together, braces for the punch.

‘You’re just so great.’

‘I’m a pathetic piece of shit with anger problems.’

‘Could you stop putting yourself down for a second?’ says Poe. ‘I think you’re incredible. And… I just. I guess I just didn’t see what was right in front of me because I’m an idiot and I tend to sabotage myself.’

Ben’s heart skips a beat. ‘What are you saying?’

‘Do you know what Finn said to me when I asked him out?’

‘Er, not really, I didn’t even know that you’d asked him-’

‘He said, “Don’t settle for me.” And he was right,’ Poe says, resolutely.

‘What?’ Ben blinks. ‘Why would he think you were settling for him?’

Poe smiles, softly and a little self-deprecating; Ben’s breath gets caught in his throat. ‘Because… he saw what I couldn’t see. Because I tend to lie to myself about my own feelings, because I am afraid of being rejected, of not being good enough when someone comes along who seems… who seems too good to be true.’

Poe lets go of Ben’s arm and he immediately misses the contact. He reaches out and grabs Poe’s hand.

‘I’m not too good,’ Ben says. ‘How could anyone possibly be too good for you? You’re the best there is.’

‘That’s nice, but I’m fucked up,’ says Poe, smiling. ‘I don’t always feel anywhere near as good as you say I am.’

‘You’re not fucked up,’ Ben says.

‘Believe me, I am,’ Poe replies. He’s still smiling, though. ‘But that’s okay. It’s human. It’s real.’

Ben smiles. He leans forward, just a little bit. Poe takes the hint and kisses him. His lips are so soft and gentle and Ben feels like something inside him starts to melt – like spring is just around the corner after the harshest of winters.

‘Hey,’ he whispers against Poe’s lips. ‘There’s a small place near the office… nothing too fancy, but I think you’d like the food.’

‘Oh?’ Poe says. ‘Are you asking me out, Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Solo?’

‘Yeah,’ Ben says, with a grin. ‘I am.’

‘Finally,’ says Poe, and leans forward for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I’ve betrayed the show with this ending and I didn’t make the concept justice at all. To be fair, I just needed some fluff to make up for all the angst I’ve been writing recently, and I was going against the clock... Anyway, enough excuses! Thanks a lot for reading if you made it this far! You deserve a cookie.


End file.
